An Open Letter to Agnew
Dearest Sean,
We’ve recently come across two disturbing posts on the Crewcial Board. The first involves you hating your sick cat, Miss Cat, and the second involves you hating your life after a crust punk confronted you about Pointless Fest.
The kitten-loving Sean Spotter staff was so horrified by your indifference towards Miss Cat’s illness that we couldn’t even joke that “Sean hates pussy.” As far as we’re concerned, cats are paw-some.
We also feel impelled to tell you that there is so much to live for beyond hardcore festivals. There’s a whole world of hair-care products, button-down shirts, and reality TV shows that can be explored. Have you ever had your colors read? Never underestimate the power of complimentary color combinations. Sometimes we see women who are clearly “autumns” in pastel purple ensembles (!) and think, "Honey, you're only making life harder with that outfit." A mentally sound autumn forgoing the soothing, skin enhancing coloring of brown and burnt sienna is at best falling short of her potential and at worst falling deeper into despair and misery. You’re a winter. Maybe you should closet the black and navy hoodies and experiment with contrasting colors. How about a bold, cherry red shirt with white details? We think you’d look good in red. Or maybe even kelly green.
We fear that this problem is too deep to be solved with a wardrobe make-over alone and may need constant attention. You should appreciate your life. You get to hang out with cool indie rockers, you have lovely bone-structure, and every girl under the age of 24 adores you. If anyone knows that it's us; we read your emails.
Will you promise us that you’ll set aside at least five minutes every day to promote the all-ages venue that is your heart? If you don’t like your life, than what hope is there for the rest of us? Maybe we'll buy you a "Hang in there!" poster.
Always with love,
Agnewbian
We’ve recently come across two disturbing posts on the Crewcial Board. The first involves you hating your sick cat, Miss Cat, and the second involves you hating your life after a crust punk confronted you about Pointless Fest.
The kitten-loving Sean Spotter staff was so horrified by your indifference towards Miss Cat’s illness that we couldn’t even joke that “Sean hates pussy.” As far as we’re concerned, cats are paw-some.
We also feel impelled to tell you that there is so much to live for beyond hardcore festivals. There’s a whole world of hair-care products, button-down shirts, and reality TV shows that can be explored. Have you ever had your colors read? Never underestimate the power of complimentary color combinations. Sometimes we see women who are clearly “autumns” in pastel purple ensembles (!) and think, "Honey, you're only making life harder with that outfit." A mentally sound autumn forgoing the soothing, skin enhancing coloring of brown and burnt sienna is at best falling short of her potential and at worst falling deeper into despair and misery. You’re a winter. Maybe you should closet the black and navy hoodies and experiment with contrasting colors. How about a bold, cherry red shirt with white details? We think you’d look good in red. Or maybe even kelly green.
We fear that this problem is too deep to be solved with a wardrobe make-over alone and may need constant attention. You should appreciate your life. You get to hang out with cool indie rockers, you have lovely bone-structure, and every girl under the age of 24 adores you. If anyone knows that it's us; we read your emails.
Will you promise us that you’ll set aside at least five minutes every day to promote the all-ages venue that is your heart? If you don’t like your life, than what hope is there for the rest of us? Maybe we'll buy you a "Hang in there!" poster.
Always with love,
Agnewbian
posted by Ryan C at 6:01 AM
7 Comments:
he would actually look best with no clothes on
Wed- Aug 23, 12:15- Sean spotted heading into I Goldberg (perhaps to pick out his new color-hued wardrobe?)
I know he was buying new shorts because the old ones had a giant hole in them - friend of sean's
I Goldberg's is pretty much the worst place ever. If you must shop there, please buy the blue Swedish long underwear and cut them off into shorts for the summertime. It's way more hip than camoflauge.
don't tell sean how to dress!
he does what he wants. come on.
i heard he was in I Goldberg to try and get their security folks to do R5 security. i heard him mumble something about "chocolate muscles" doin the job "better"...
sean spotted last night at khyber, hoodie up, white t, and drinking a budweiser.
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